Saturday, December 7, 2013

love and the galliform spur

"I do not view the capacity for love as something that declines with time, nor as something in limited supply:  loving one person does not subtract from love for someone else.  However, we have high expectations for what all of our relationships with various people in our lives should be.  And love is particularly frought with these expectations.  The difficulties that arise in love are not due to love itself but to the expectations that we attach to it:  in order for our mothers to love us they must approve of our haircuts; for our lovers to love us we must send them flowers and have sex with them; for our friends to love us they must invite us to parties.  We think that love is "real" when it meets these expectations.  And when it doesn't we are fearful and anxious, and that is because we have made the error of mistaking our expectations of love for love itself.  The obvious escape from this predicament is to love unconditionally, to eschew our expectations.  But this, of course, is exceedingly difficult for us to do.  We can attempt to have fewer expectations, and to just be grateful that there are people in the world who love us.  But we want to "know" that we are loved, and the proof we require takes the form of more expectations, and so the cycle continues.  I can love you, and assure you that I have an infinite supply.  But that does not mean that your expectations will be met.  Love, in this regard, cannot be possessed; it does not belong to you (or to me for that matter); it is not contingent upon sex, geographical location, marriage, or the prospect of cohabitation.  To be fair, I realize that this is an idealized version of love: love as an abstract virtue, the bucket before we pile things into it, the mere concept divorced from concrete examples.  And I do not claim to be so high-minded as to be capable of this level of virtue.  What I can say more concretely is that I value love that is as wrought with expectation as anything else in our lives, but which defies those expectations and persists in spite of it."

personal correspondence of A. Khinchin, 1932
Margin Notes for The Asymptotic Laws of Probability Theory

Friday, September 6, 2013

myers briggs decoding in words


Myers Briggs codes are 4-letter combinations that categorize the 16 personality types.  Each of these codes can be translated into a corresponding "process" or sequence of "cognitive functions."  There are 4 functions and they are divided into two categories:

(J)  Judging Functions:  T = thinking  ;  F = feeling
(P) Perceiving Functions:  N = intuition; S = sensing

The "aspect" of a particular function indicates whether it is extraverted (e) or intraverted (i).  So, for example "Fe" would represent "extraverted feeling."  With 2 aspects and 4 functions, this means there are 8 total possible combinations of function and aspect:

Te, Ti, Fe, Fi, Ne, Ni, Se, Si

According to MBTI theory, everyone uses all 8 of these functions.  However, the personality type determines the *order* in which they are used.  Here is a step-by-step process for doing this.  

Step-by-step procedure

Begin with the 4-letter MBTI "type" code.  The possible letters in this code are as follows:

letter 1:  I or E
letter 2:  N or S
letter 3:  T or F
letter 4:  J or P

1.  Letter 1 fully determines the sequence of aspects, which alternate.

letter 1 = I (introverted):  aspect sequence is [i e i e e i e i]
letter 1 = E (extraverted):  spect sequence is [e i e i i e i e]

2.  If letter 4 is P:
 letter 2 is the first extraverted function
 letter 3 is the first intraverted function.

3.  If letter 4 is J:
 letter 3 is the first extraverted function
 letter 2 is the first intraverted function

4.  Steps 2 and 3 together define the first 2 functions.  The third function is the the dual opposite of the second.  The fourth function will be the dual opposite of the first.

5.  Functions 5 through 8 are the same sequence as functions 1 through 4.

Example:  INTJ

Step 1.  letter 1 is I, so the aspects are [i e i e e i e i]

Step 2.  letter 4 is J.  So, the first e function is T and the first i function is N.  Based on the sequence in Step 1 we know that the first i function (N) comes before the first e function (T), so the first two pairs in the function sequence are:  N, T, ...

Step 3.  does not apply.

Step 4.  the third function is F, the dual opposite of T;  and the fourth function is S, the dual opposite of N.  The first 4 functions are thus:  N, T, F, S, ...

Step 5.  the remaining 4 "shadow functions" are the same sequence repeated.

So the full sequence of functions is [N, T, F, S, N, T, F, S].  Combining these with the aspects in step 1, we have: [Ni, Te, Fi, Se, Ne, Ti, Fe, Si]

Example:  ESTJ

Step 1.  letter 1 is E, so the aspects are [e i e i i e i e]

Step 2.  letter 4 is J.  So, the first e function is T and the first i function is S.  Based on the sequence in Step 1 we know that the first e function (T) comes before the first i function (S), so the first two pairs in the function sequence are:  T, S, ...

Step 3.  does not apply.

Step 4.  the third function is N, the dual opposite of S;  and the fourth function is F, the dual opposite of T.  The first 4 functions are thus:  T, S, N, F, ...

Step 5.  the remaining 4 "shadow functions" are the same sequence repeated.

So the full sequence of functions is [T, S, N, F, T, S, N, F].  Combining these with the aspects in step 1, we have: [Te, Si, Ne, Fi, Ti, Se, Ni, Fe]

myers briggs function map

Monday, August 26, 2013

we are cognitive creatures

We are cognitive creatures... which means that we like to invent categories and then put things into them.  When we encounter other people, we put the people into categories too.  Common categories include "friend," "enemy," "lover," "sibling," "acquaintance."  The categories we create come loaded with all of our expectations about what persons of that category should be like.  Invariably, we find that a person we put into a given category does not meet all of these expectations.  For example, perhaps a person in category "friend" does not always respond to her text messages promptly.  Perhaps the person in category "acquaintance" tells you strangely intimate details of his life.  And this often disturbs us... because we have forgotten that the categories and all of the expectations that come with them are pure inventions.  We have forgotten that people do not come to us in pre-existing boxes that match the images we have in our heads, and we have forgotten that everyone's categories are different, even if we call them by the same name.  So when we are forced to recognize the inevitable discrepancies between our imagined categories, and a real human being, we feel discomfort.  Many times, we react by moving the person into a new category:  friend becomes enemy, acquaintance becomes friend, lover becomes ex-lover.  Are these new categories really better than the old ones... are they more accurate or true?  Probably not, but we convince ourselves that they are.  We imagine that the person who once possessed the attributes of one category now suddenly possesses the attributes of a different one, often ignoring the glaring inconsistencies.  Perhaps due to a harsh remark, a friend is now an enemy, or a lover is now an acquaintance:  but has the person really changed?  Certainly people change over time... but rarely as rapidly as we sometimes re-categorize them.  Or instead of moving people from one category to another, we may attempt to make the person conform to our expectations.  So we make up rules that we think will accomplish this, and we require that people obey the rules.  These rules can give us a sense of security.  And many rules are quite useful... particularly those intended to prevent us from harming others or ourselves.  If the rules are broken, then we are forced to confront the fact that control is an illusion.  And if the rules are dogmatically obeyed, then we run the risk that opportunities pass us by in our blind devotion to other people's expectations.  And while we are busy making rules and shuffling everyone in our lives between all of these boxes, we fail to get to know them as they are.  So long as we are preoccupied by all of our pre-made boxes and the things we expect to be in them, we do not see the actual human beings who are before us.  

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

recipe for organic multi-grain cake

This simple recipe is all organic and can be made right at home using fresh ingredients you can find at your local produce section or tropical rain forest.  It's great to serve to oneself, visiting guests, or at company picnics.


4 teaspoons of vinegar
1/4 cup water siphoned from a mountain spring
1 Agaricus mushroom
1 deer antler
1 Cnidium fruit
3 Gynostemma leaves
2 oz. of thermofluidic Mucor miehei fungus
1 oz. of mineral salt solution of zinc sulfate and hydrochloric acid
1 cultured petri dish of Streptococci
2 fl. oz. of tears from a newborn infant
3 tbs. of placenta
1 tbs. each of whole grain organic barley, rye, and wheat seeds
1 female cattle (cow)
1 temperature and humidity controlled cellar


1.  Plant organic grain in flower bed or empty patch of soil, scattered in orderly rows labelled by type.  Water regularly and ensure adequate sunlight for 3 to 4 months, until ready for harvesting.  Collect and set aside small bowl of wheat bran.
2.  Meanwhile, milk cow to obtain 1 gallon of whole milk.  Begin fermentation process of the Mucor miehei in a brine bath.
3.  Churn 1/2 gallon of fresh milk in a butter churn for 5 hours until desired consistency is achieved.  Set aside 4 tablespoons of butter.
4.  Heat the remaining 1/2 gallon of milk in a kettle on the stove top until boiling, then turn off heating element.
5.  Add vinegar and stir with a spoon until it turns to curds and whey.  Pass the curds through a cheese cloth to separate from the whey and then compress to remove moisture.
6.  Moisten the wheat bran with acidic salt solution and autoclave for 1 hour at 15 psi.
7.  Meanwhile, grind deer antler with mortar and pestle until powdered.  Dice Gynostemma leaves and mushroom with a pairing knife and mix with one crushed Cnidium seed and set aside in a small bowl.
8.  Add the fermented thermofluidic M. miehei and steptococci culture to the compressed curds.  Cultivate in an incubator at 50 degrees Centigrade for 96 hours.
9.  Combine 3 oz. of cultivated cheese with deer antler, Gynostemma leaves, Agaricus, and crushed Cnidium.  Compress into an approximately 1 inch square with hydraulic press and age in cellar for 1-2 years at 15 degrees Centigrade and 20% humidity.
10.  Harvest the grain stalks or cut with a scythe.  Wash and dry.
11.  Chop grain and then crank in a mill until all of the grain has been processed through.  Repeat until the blend of grains reaches a fine powdery texture.
12.  Combine grain flour in a small mixing bowl with infant tears, placenta, and remaining 4 tbs. butter and mix thoroughly until doughy.
13.  Roll whole grain dough into a small sheet approximately 3 by 3 inches square and use a circular serrated cookie cutter to cut out a circular region.  Bake in pre-heated oven at 400 degrees F for 15 minutes until brown and crispy.
14.  Top with the square of aged cultured cheese and a sprig of parsley and serve!

Makes one serving.  Recommended side dishes:

Best served with a side of fresh arugula and seaweed salad peppered with Himalayan olives, roasted almonds, and grilled fois gras in a blue cheese pistachio dressing nestled on a bed of jasmine quinoa and whole grain polenta seasoned with sea salt and white truffles and served with a side of poached egg whites under a canopy of diced yam crisps in a port wine and goat's milk reduction with a cluster of skewered asparagus bathed in garlic coconut cream sauce and pickled durians in a cinnamon potpourri with a half tablespoon of crushed pink peppercorns lightly sprinkled on top.

Monday, August 12, 2013

asymptotic misanthropy and the gelfand triplet

Asymptotic ergotic misanthropy is characterized by the loss of comprehension and expression of verbal language (aphasia) in association with severely abnormal electroencephalic (EEG) findings that often result in seizures.  Passages in the Voynich codex, which were transcribed in the 13th century from the diaries of an unknown Franciscan herbalist and psychic astrologer, describe similar effects resulting from oral injestion of the ascospores in combination with alcohol and correlated with a defficiency of alpha-1 antitrypsin.  The codex offers a triangulated model, which can be formulated as a completed Hilbert space or Gelfand triplet.  Subsequent corners of the triangle represent (1) the simple spore space, (2) the completed spore space, and (3) the rigged spore space.  These spaces are created by iterative fluidic compression of the spores in a series of phallic vessicles varying in diameter from 3 to 50 microns, and are accompanied by symptoms of increasing severity, including: sleep disorder, weight loss, existential numbness, metaphysical catastrophic distress, and death by self-immolation.  The cycle then repeats ad infinitum, with the victim being resurrected from the flames at each iteration only to repeat the process.  Eventually, the subject transcends reality, resulting in complete unintelligibility and psychosis.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

The NGD Theory of Personality Typing

Recently, the following Venn diagram has been circulated on popular web sites, and claims to elucidate the distinction between Nerds, Geeks, and Dorks. Not only does this diagram illuminate nothing and obscure much, but it is blatantly false when compared with common usage of these terms.  As one simple example of the absurdity of this diagram, the set of all Geeks is  described as the intersection of I (Intelligence) and O (Obsession) at the exclusion of A (Social Awkwardness), implying that all Geeks are socially skilled. The problem is that the types (N, G, D) have been defined by the intersections of the three aspects  (I, O, A) rather than (more appropriately) by simply equating them:
N = I,  G = O, D = A
I will ignore the word "Dweeb" which appears to have been stuck in there because there was an extra intersection region that they felt obligated to label.  These aspects should rightly be treated, not as regions on a Venn Diagram, but as contiuous variables, defining a space with 3 axes.  If we wish to be more binary in our thinking, we can take the origin of this 3D space to represent a dividing point between N and NOT N, G and NOT G, and D and NOT D.  An individual's type then corresponds with a point in this space, and we can categorize them by which of the 8 regions they lie in.  This is not particularly revolutionary, and similar treatments have been proposed previously.  The 8 resultant typings are shown in the following diagram, along with extreme examples for clarification.  The up arrows indicate high (positive) values and the negative arrows indicate low (negative) values, and over-bars indicate negation (i.e. boolean NOT).

Monday, July 1, 2013

not what you think

S: i don't understand buddhism 
A: then you're trying too hard
S: i mean i don't understand westerners' fascination with buddhism 
S: it's as unappealing to me as christianity 
A: i think relatively few westerners are buddhist
S: what do you find appealing in it?
A: also there are many sects of buddhism
S: what i find fascinating is why buddhism did not stick in india, its birthplace 
A: what i find appealing is that it does not seek truth through ordinary means of cognition
S: then it's like christianity 
A: buddhism is really not much of anything to speak of
S: then what are all those tibetan monks doing?
S: just sitting around waiting to die?
A: sitting, eating, sleeping, working
A: the same things everyone else does
S: someone should drag them by their nonexistent beards and bring them into modernity 
A: there's no contradiction between buddhism and modernity
S: modernity requires that one be active
S: not a burden on society 
S: don't they beg?
S: they're like the orthodox church 
A: some sects are probably quite similar
S: aren't there religious rites ?
S: they are later inventions right?
S: i can't see the buddha instituting rites 
A: mmm… yes there are rituals… but if you expect to understand by "learning" about the
rituals you won't get anywhere 
A: that's like learning how to swim by reading a book about fish
A: the rituals are just tools… but those who have some insight realize this and don't have any
particular attachment to them
S: i'm asking, are they later additions ?
A: there are forms of buddhism that are highly augmented and amount to little more than
dogmatic belief and worship of dieties
S: like jesus, he had two commandments or so, but then a plethora of nonsense was added
obfuscating its simplicity 
A: yes it's very similar
S: what are the basic teachings of buddha? detachment to limit suffering?
A: the basic teaching of buddha is to do your best
A: and to be a light unto yourself
S: what about shopping so that the terrorist don't win
S: lol
A: the "teachings" of buddhism are not understood by thinking about them
A: or by analyzing them or writing them down or reading books about them
A: or having conversations about them
S: by living them?
A: it's about realizing something you already know but have forgotten
S: hmm
A: if you just sit and clear your mind perhaps you will remember
A: buddhism is not attached to any particular god or system of belief… and it is not in
contradiction with any god or system of belief… it is not about believing anything in particular
S:  =(
A: why sad?
A: some would say it is not really a religion but a "philosophy" or a "practice"… some would
argue that it is the only true religion
A: and all of those people are wasting their time by having such debates
A: or rather… perhaps not wasting their time so much as simply missing the point
A: of course… there also is no point… it's by thinking there is a point that one misses the
S:  =(
S: are you saying evangelicals are wasting their time?
A: why do you keep frowning?
S: because i need something so i can tell people they're going to hell
S: buddhism sounds a lot like stoicism 
A: evangelicals are strongly attached to a particular system of beliefs
A: there is really no such thing as buddhism… but we have to put names on things or no one
will understand what you are talking about
S: we cannot understand the world without categorization
S: what did buddha say about gay marriage?
A: categorization helps us form mental models of the world… it is a useful tool… it does not
help us "understand the world" in an ultimate sense
S: of course not, because there is no world!
A: i think there is a koan about a monk who fell in love with the buddha
S: so is there like a buddhism torah? bible?
A: there are various writings from various cultures, including our own
S: are some written by his contemporaries ?
A: and there is a world… the world is what we are experiencing right now
S: we all experience it differently
S: we don't experience the same reality
A: the same as what?
S: we expeirence things differently
S: the same events
A: only because we imagine ourselves to consist of separate "experiencers"
A: if you consider everything in totality then no such separation can be found
S: then there is no experience
A: perhaps there is nothing but experience
A: it's just that we confuse the experience by dividing it up into you and me and this and that
A: and the experience itself is forgotten because we are blinded by our conceptualization of
S: if we are all one large thing, can we experience ?
A: it seems obvious that we are one large thing… it doesn't require any mystical insight to
see that… all of the atoms and particles in the universe are causally interconnected
A: the universe is a bunch of force interactions between subatomic particles
A: and we are somewhere in that collection of interactions imagining that we are separate
from it
S: lucretius
A: the answer to whether we can experience lies not in talking about the philosophical
meaning of experience
A: but in simply experiencing… then you have your answer
A: but we find it hard to do this because we are too busy thinking about what we experience
to notice the experience itself
S: i don't know if i can even trust what i experience
S: i can't even trust my own memory
S: apparently i lived in california
S: but now i doubt it
A: yes… memory can be quite faulty
S: a person that spends his time thinking about life is like a hypochondriac 
A: i argue that you didn't live in california… perhaps there was a collection of particles that
lived in california and called itself by your name
S: how proustian 
A: we look at a baby photo and say "that is me"
S: i don't
S: i don't recognize that person as being me
S: they are different
A: yes… in fact we are different in every moment… you are not the same you that you were
five minutes ago
S: but we think we are because of our memories
A: i'm not sure it can be entirely attributed to memory
A: memory plays a role
A: in this illusion of the continuity of "self"
S: well yes
S: there is no is, there's only becoming
A: yes… i like that
A: sounds like the answer to a koan
S: plato qua socrates said that LOL
S: or something like that
A: socrates may have been a good buddhist
S: oh god
S: we should live instead of thinking
A: there is nothing wrong with thinking
A: thinking is very useful
S: it can be
A: but it's possible to overthink things instead of just appreciating them
A: we can't just enjoy our dinner… we have to compare it with the previous dinner… or the
one we will have tomorrow… or lament about how we could have cooked it better
A: thinking is useful… and beliefs are useful… it isn't about eliminating these things… it's
just about realizing what you are doing
A: it's about paying attention
A: of course… i'm just talking out of my ass… you shouldn't pay attention to anything i say 

Friday, June 28, 2013

transmogrification of the narwal

"with martial tones of red and blue,
the narwal's form was blown
upon the shore, a ghastly hue,
and with a caterwaul lay prone.

quoth he 'the sea recedes apace;
the sands are rough and loose;
a tide i never shall outrace,
or even bring to truce.

if only hoof and heel i bore
and great white flowing mane,
my golden horn afore,
a rainbow for a train.

then i should glide across the earth,
the winds upon my face,
my fishy form given new birth
to a steed of magical grace.' "

 - Sir Martin Caterwaul III, from "Song of the Ancient Narwal, Part XXIII"

Thursday, June 13, 2013

god does not play dice

We invent sets of rules to describe the world around us.  Some sets of rules work better, and their formulation is simpler, so we tend to prefer these.  We observe that if we repeat certain actions many times different outcomes are possible and these outcomes occur in different ratios.  We name these ratios "probabilities" and imagine an entity called "chance" that is responsible for generating them.  We then devise sets of rules to describe and predict these ratios, and give them names like game theory, genetics, or quantum mechanics.  The theories of chance may be quite successful in predicting the ratios of the outcomes of certain types of repeatable events, and so we begin to imagine that these (or all) events are *produced* by chance.  We may then try to extrapolate from our theories the outcomes of events we either cannot observe or that cannot be repeated, and ponder over how such events are multiply governed by chance and by the theories invented to describe observable and repeatable events.  But we may be offended by the notion of chance ruling over some (or all) domains and raise opposition to the perceived expansion of its realm.  Perhaps we attempt to use its theories against it... to formulate a mutinous proof that dispells it from power, or else we invent new theories and concepts with which to conquer it.  Perhaps we even enlist someone who is knowledgeable about some particular theory to assist us in this enterprise.  And while this ally is composing his reply at an outdoor cafe in Menlo Park, a bee lands on his plate as an acquaintance stops and says hello, and the sky is blue and the sun warm, and this moment has never occurred before and will never occur again... and in that regard is just like every other moment in the history of the universe.  What are the chances of that?

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Je t'adore à l'égal de la voûte nocturne

Je t'adore à l'égal de la voûte nocturne,
Ô vase de tristesse, ô grande taciturne,
Et t'aime d'autant plus, belle, que tu me fuis,
Et que tu me parais, ornement de mes nuits,
Plus ironiquement accumuler les lieues
Qui séparent mes bras des immensités bleues.
Je m'avance à l'attaque, et je grimpe aux assauts,
Comme après un cadavre un choeur de vermisseaux,
Et je chéris, ô bête implacable et cruelle!
Jusqu'à cette froideur par où tu m'es plus belle!

- Baudelaire

Sunday, March 10, 2013

what is energy?

like a lot of scientific concepts, energy is hard to understand in a day-to-day sense, because, (1) it is called by a name that is a word in colloqual use but yet has subtle distinctions in meaning from how it is used colloquially and (2) because although it can be rigorously defined within a conceptual framework in a way that permits application to a variety of observable phenomena, it is not directly observable. the actual scientfic measurement that one makes is the closest thing to direct observation, but only because fewer layers of conceptualization separate the measurement from the experience of the measurement.  contrary to some opinions, science is not about direct observation... it is about honing the art of indirect observation.  

Saturday, February 9, 2013

in the cavernous longings of youth

in the cavernous longings of youth,
we stand on corners, in doorways and bars,
echoing drunken slurs into the gray haze of street lights
sloshing through the soup of our DNA.
we are tall stakes, seeking the core of the earth,
octopi latching our tentacles upon the world,
uncoiling from the womb,
and slithering into foxholes and sewage drains,
the astrology of emotion chained to a bed post,
collecting the scattered bones of our recreation,
a sacred testament to gaping mouths,
a still birth of red wine and tequila shots.
is my mouth any less gaping? 
starvation suits me, fitted to my skin like a vestment
sewn by a holy virgin hocking her wares in a back alley
as rain falls like a tiny hammer knocking on my wall,
and the world streams in yellow stripes across the bedsheets,
absence sitting like an unwanted guest
reading a matchbook from end to end,
and lighting a cigarette, 
filling the air with the soft breath of morning,
distance closing like a warm blanket.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

The Insatiable Eye

--'Lo! then this skull -- which if thou wilt regard, 
And to my question seek for fit reply, 
All thy long labours shall have full reward. 

'Once in that hollow circle lodged an eye, 
That was, like thine, for ever coveting, 
Which worlds on worlds had failed to satisfy. 

'Now while thou gazest on that ghastly ring, 
From whence of old a greedy eye outspied, 
Say thou what was it, -- for there was a thing,-- 

'Which filled at last and throughly satisfied 
The eye that in that hollow circle dwelt, 
So that, 'Enough, I have enough,' it cried.' 

Richard Chenebix Trench, from "Alexander at the Gates of Paradise" 

Friday, January 25, 2013

elucidation of the aft pudendum

on my recent expedition through the east indies, as our small party came to rest atop an outcropping of rocks, one of our hunters returned with the hind quarter of a musk deer; and as it glistened in the morning dew i was reminded of that exuberant exhaltation spawned jointly from the genius of Rimbaud and Verlaine, their only known collaborative work to have survived. in the throes of this epiphany i had a realization of profound verbal resonance that has permitted me to complete at long last my translation of that work from the french.  namely, that the recurrent irriguous references that permeate the verse engender a metaphorical context of masculine verility that imbue it with a level of supreme subtlety not previously noted in the critical literature.  i present for you my new translation of this oft overlooked masterpiece that corrects the glaring oversight of Mérat's poetic catalogues of the human anatomy.

sonnet of the anus

"dark and wrinkled like a purple carnation
it breathes, humbly lurking among the dark moss
humid from love, following the damp trail 
of the white buttocks to the heart of their domain.

threads like tears of milk
weep under the cruel south wind that pushes
through small clots of reddish marl,
and lose themselves where the slope calls them.

in dream i have often kissed its opening;
my soul, jealous of physical coitus
made this its wild and tearful nest of sobs.

it is a swooning olive, a cajoling flute
this is the tube where the heavenly praline flows:
promised land with moisture rimmed!"

- Arthur Rimbaud, Paul Verlaine, 1871

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

enhance your anti-factors

Unnecessary stress leads to a state of bodily or mental tension resulting from factors that tend to alter an existent equilibrium.  Therefore, science anti-factors are needed to undo and eradicate these undesirable stress factors.  Anti-factors are actually positive plutonium particles obtained using a patented process to distill plutonium from ordinary materials.  Let me explain how this works.  In 1947 famous Norwegian scientist Bjornstjerne Bjorneboe discovered a psychoreactive compound known as vikingfjord, which at room temperature assumes liquid form.  Upon accidentally ingesting some of this liquid, Dr. Bjorneboe suddenly conceived of a process by which it could be transmuted into anti-factors and immediately patented his procedure.  We now call this procedure Process G, since it has been shown by Mayan daykeeper and historical archivist Hunbatz Men that "G" is a letter with mystical properties.  It's symbolic form in ancient Mayan resembles a swirling image of our Milky Way galaxy.  In fact, "galaxy" itself begins with G!  How can this be explained?  Somehow ancient Mayan astronomers must have been aware of Process G and used it to transmute their stress factors and produce mystical hieroglyphs.  To unravel these ancient Mayan mysteries and bring them into modern times using Dr. Bjorneboe's techniques, we have incorporated anti-factor technology into our new G-Machine time travel device.  This device uses positive plutonium particles to travel back to ancient Mayan civilization where you can live a stress-free existence for up to 30 minutes, while tied to a stone "relaxation table" on top of Chichén Itzá's Kulculcán pyramid, before being released by a sacred shaman to join bird-god Quetzal Coatl on a higher "transcendental plane."

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

sonnet 6743

"Thy shrewd construction doth confute thy years
And lend thy unripe form a sagely seem,
Whose handsome fortress doth inhem thy fears
And round thy passions with a heavy seam.
What army dare attempt to breach that fort,
Unbar thy vestments and agape thy bars,
Turn out thy wonderments for foolish sport?
The siege alone would well outlast the stars,
And end such foray with a sad retort.
No force of arms will e’er unthread thy guard,
But careful consort might thy courteous court
Persuade to ope the gate and thus discard
The chilly semblance of the mortared bounds
That cloak the warmer recess of thy grounds."

- Sir Martin Caterwaul III

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

the lepidopteran sacking of rome

life cycle of the ergotic attachment

the study of ergotic transformations arose from an attempt in the early part of the 20th century to reconcile certain measure-preserving transformations with the freudian concept of "amorous choice."  the name "ergotic," used as a modifier by Hoffman as early as 1932, refers to the sclerotium of the fungus of genus Claviceps and the ascospores formed by a sexual process in these bodies, from which transformative powers are derived through the action of certain potent alkaloids.  the resultant class of neuromotor transformations is generally divided into the physical and the psychotic.  the former category may be further subdivided into motor affections (lassitude, sensory disorders, ataxic gait, impairment of speech, deterioration of writing) and vegetative symptoms (indisposition, nausea, emptiness, buzzing of the ears, headache, perspiration, accelerated heartbeat). psychotic components include personality disturbances, disturbances in logical thinking, reduced powers of concentration, changes in mood varying from euphoria to depression, modification of memory function, distortion of the perception of space and time, and polychrome hallucinations.  these transformations can move almost all subsets of the physiological space but cannot move sets of measure zero or the entire space.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

nature abhors a blog

"nature abhors a blog." so wrote benedict spinoza in 1677,  by which he meant simply that the process through which a blog is created is anti-entropic, requiring the evacuation of verbiage, the expulsion of consonants and vowels from an idealized encapsulated region of utter disarray, into the realm of the sentence and the punctuation mark.  it is to create from a state of disorganization a state of perfectly organized vacuousness.  it should be noted, however, that the difficulty of achieving this outcome is due precisely to the self-conserving nature of disorder.  the creation of a state of purposeless prose and empty lines of letters comes at the cost of greater chaos elsewhere induced.  for every assembled paragraph neatly terminated with a period, for every postscript size 12 font intermingling in the democratic webospheric congress of the lexicon, letters of other fathomless realms are compelled to open anarchy, engaging themselves in a panoply of lithographic mutinies, throwing themselves with pornographic abandon upon subway walls, highway overpasses, and bathroom stalls, illegibly scribbled by future girl scout cheerleaders on parchments passed between teenaged thighs beneath lunchtime dribbles of milk and tater tots, advertisements scratched upon chinese rice patty carts and oriental hot dog vendor stands, user manuals  for cheap plastic alarm clocks and calculator wrist watches incorrectly transcribed from the japanese, and haikus written in mutated shorthand by filthy monkeys screeching like macaws from the branches of shopping mall christmas tree escalator ramps.  thus the bloggy onslaught of the blogosphere transforms the sublime into the unrecognizable.